Ode To Writers Block

Funny how you can...
So there I was...
Most of the time...
If...
There are times...
Oh, wait...

When I grow up...
You had to...
I remember...
The greatest memory...
So many things...
What was I saying?..


Hmm...
Blah blah blah...
Need to focu..s...
Damn you writers block...

I am so weird...

So many nights seem to be about passing the time till I am tired enough to fall asleep. There are only so many times that a person can watch the same movies over and over again. Tonight is no different. I am still waiting to be tired enough to drift off for a few hours of restless sleep before the jets start taking off in the early hours in the morning with what seems like a very unessessary amount of noise. I am reminded of my other deployments and having the same trouble sleeping. Many of those nights were just spent sitting out in the common area and chain smoking half the night away in silence. The funny thing about it all is that at home I am able to fall asleep in a heartbeat. There are too many things that float in and out of my thoughts. It's like a random playlist of ideas, worries, memories and wishes. I'm still looking for the pause button so I can relax and sleep.

The Next Morning:

All of those random things followed me in to my dreams... I have a weird imagination! I think the only thing missing from the dream was a dinosaur roaming around. The dream had my old neighborhood in great detail, me riding a bike through gravel, a procession of mourners who followed a strange religion that required them to take naps (thinking about joining now) and an international basketball game with absolutely no one with talent that takes place in a generic high school gym then switches to a marksmen compitition in a parking structure in a giant city where I talk to a chipper heavy set swiss girl who wants to know if there is a good swiss resturaunt around. None of this makes any sense to me and I'm not going to try and figure it out either! I'm just happy that I slept...

My 15 minutes of fame

Hey look at me!

http://www.kval.com/internal?st=print&id=49768687&path=/news/local

Staring down the barrel at 30

So once again I spent another birthday over here in Iraq. I will have to say my 27th was many times better than my 21st! My fear was that it would be just another day among the already many that have passed by without notice and that I would be the only one that seemed to care, would silently celebrate another pass around the sun.

My first thoughts were to just let that happen and be done with it. As the day drew closer and the thoughts of being that much closer to turning 30 were churning in my head I formed a plan to not go quietly in to my 27th year. I was going to do something, anything that wasn't the same old thing. There are event posters posted on the walls leading in to the chow hall and are briefly scanned but never really looked at as you hurry your way to into the air conditioned building for some food. As usual I would turn my head, scan for anything that looked new but never braking my stride.

On one day I found something that caught my eye. It was a band poster for an upcoming show. As I looked closer I noticed the event date, my birthday! I had never heard of the band but didn't care, it was something to do that was different. After looking them up online and sampling some of their music (and liked it) I was determined to see them play. It so happened that my normal day off was on my birthday as well, a second good thing! So in the coming days I passed to word along that a group of us should go and see them perform. A few people were on board right away, the others did the typical noncommittal "oh yeah that sounds good."

I stayed up till midnight of the 26th so I could celebrate my birthday to myself and then go to bed. I was surprised as I got a new battery for my radio to get a card filled with messages of all sorts from a lot of the people here! Along with the card I was then greeted with a more "happy birthdays" from everyone that was still up. I was moved that anyone besides myself would acknowledge the occasion! This is important due to the fact that I viewed myself as not being really part of the group yet since only being with them for only a year. I was with my last unit and same guys for eight years and had developed years of bonding and memories with them. To be greeted like I was on my birthday was very touching and made me feel welcome.

The plans were made and the people invited, now getting off shift at 7 am the morning of my birthday all was left was to wait for the nights festivities. I went back to my room and called my wife. We spoke for almost an hour! It was a very good conversation and made my morning! Usually the Internet weakens out after a while and can't talk that long. I was very pleased to have all that time together so to speak. We spoke about this and that, things we wanted to do on my two week leave and of course our pups! She informed me that my present was in the mail. I should get it here in a day or so and am looking forward to seeing what it is! I also got a gift from my friend Chris, a very nice pocket knife made by Benchmade.

Dinner was at this little eatery called Sammy's by the movie theater (yes, we have a movie theater on a base in Iraq) and ate pizza. When you walk in, the smell of a traditional pizza parlor fills your senses and for a brief moment takes you out of Balad and back home to your favorite pizza parlor, for me a place called Papa's Pizza where they cook their pizzas on stone slabs. Only when you look around and see that everyone there wears a uniform and has a weapon do you realize that you are still here.

After a good meal, we head over to the rec-center for the show. There is a stage set with all the microphones and instruments. The band is a local band from Minneapolis and has a sound that can be described as a punk rock version of Ben Folds. Strong lyrics, and mix of passion, guitars and a keyboard make for a great show. Once again you don't feel like you are still on a deployment till you look around. After an hour long set I got to meet the band, get my picture taken and a free cd, then it was time to go back to the "real" world.

A few of us decided to play some cards, sit around and take turns picking on each other as we smack talk through two intense games of Uno that seemed to take forever to finish. As we ended the second game we all agreed that it was time to end the night. I kicked everyone out of my room and crawled into my bed surely to fall asleep not long after. And as I lay there very tired and almost asleep I found myself content at the end of a good day!

Weeeee ha ha ha

Today seems to be a good day so far.. I have been in a good mood all day! I think it has to do something with the simple choice of not being in a bad mood... or it could be looking at this picture from when I was in middle school! And yes, that is a lace shirt... I make no excuses...

Finding my own piece of peace

This deployment has a different tone compared to my last couple I have been on. Here we are waiting to react to something rather than making it happen. This leaves a lot of time for people like me who get bored with routines to get a little stir crazy. There is one place that I have found that offers me an outlet of creativity that seems to be my own. It's the self help shop where you can make what ever you can imagine and I have not heard of any other people from my unit going there to escape the routine of day to day life here. I hope to keep enjoying that luxury for a while! It gives me a sense of accomplishment, creating something of my own with my own hands. Who doesn't like seeing something that they worked hard on turn out to be a finished product? My own personal Zen... The only way that I can explain it.

We all need to have something that separates us from everyone else. This is especially important when we all wear the same uniforms, eat the same foods, have the same everything else basically! Without a sense of separation from others, we might as well be robots. And everyone knows that robots are not as cool as people think they are!

So Weird

So many nights seem to be about passing the time till I am tired enough to fall asleep. There are only so many nights that a person can spend watching the same movies over and over again. Tonight is no different. I am still waiting to be tired enough to drift off for a few hours of restless sleep before the jets start taking off in the early hours in the morning with what seems like a very unessessary amount of noise. I am reminded of my other deployments and having the same trouble sleeping. Many nights were just spent sitting out in the common area and chain smoking half the night away in silence. The funny thing about it all is that at home I am able to fall asleep in a heartbeat. There are too many things that float in and out of my thoughts. It's like a random playlist of ideas, worries, memories and wishes. I'm still looking for the pause button so I can relax and sleep.

The Next Morning:

All of those random things followed me in to my dreams... I have a weird imagination! I think the only thing missing from the dream was a dinosaur roaming around. The dream had my old neighborhood in great detail, me riding a bike through gravel, a procession of mourners who followed a strange religion that required them to take naps (thinking about joining now) and an international basketball game with absolutely no one with talent that takes place in a generic high school gym then switches to a marksmen compitition in a parking structure in a giant city where I talk to a chipper heavy set swiss girl who wants to know if there is a good swiss resturaunt around. (Don't worry Amanda you were there too!) None of this makes any sense to me and I'm not going to try and figure it out either! I'm just happy that I slept!